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She’s here.

5 Nov

Last Friday, October 26th, at 10:25 pm, we welcomed our little Elsie into the world. It was a long labor, stretching to 24 hours with just over 4 hours of pushing. The birth was incredible, amazing, trying and life-changing….but I made it a point not to expect it to go any particular way, and although decisions had to be made that I was hoping not to have to make, it was still perfect in every way.  My doctor was incredible and the nurses even more so.  Tim was by my side the entire time and was more amazing than I ever could have imagined.  I feel so lucky to have had the birth that I had…and more importantly, to have a healthy baby in my arms.

She’s here. I can’t believe it, but she is. I look at her face and it’s as if I’ve known it my whole life. There were so many times where I never thought this moment would come true. A year ago almost to the day (in fact, on her due date) I had given up ever believing I’d become a mother.  I was ready to give it one more try then move on knowing 5 losses would be my limit in heart break. But that one more try gave me her.  She’s my one more try.

She’s amazing.  She looks so much like Tim…she even has Chinese features and dark hair (for now).  I’ve never been so in love.  She was worth all the tears and pain because all of that brought me to her.

I apologize for taking so long to give you all the news of her birth, but man, I don’t know how you moms who post right away do it!  I’m super impressed.  Do you want to hear the birth story, or is that too much?  I want to respect those that are still in the middle of it, but I’m proud of my birth and would love to share it.  After that, I’m not sure if I will continue to use this space.  I know this is a common struggle for everyone in the ALI community once they have their babies….but since I’ve been feeling unsure of this space since becoming pregnant, it just seems more and more  like it’s the right choice not to continue here.  I would like this to remain a space of comfort for those going through loss and infertility, a space where they can feel like someone else knows exactly how they feel…not one where they have to dodge tales of baby-raising to get to the support they were seeking.

Thank you to everyone for checking in.  I still can’t believe this is real.  I can’t believe she’s finally here.  What a journey this has been…

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