Archive | May, 2012

18 weeks 4 days

30 May

I just wanted to pop in to let anyone who is still out there know that the baby and I are doing really well.  We just had our anatomy scan and everything looks just as it should be.   AND……IT’S A GIRL!!!

I just feel so relieved.  After the appointment Tim held me and I just couldn’t stop crying.  It’s finally happening.  All that heartache and grief…all those years of loss and thinking this will never happen….and we’re finally here.  I know there’s still 20+ more weeks to go, but I’ve made it this far.    We’ve made it this far.

Maybe now this will start to feel real.  For the past few months it has felt like it was happening to someone else, even though it’s my belly that’s growing.  I’ve been in it mentally from the very beginning, I’ve been present and happy…but it still felt (feels?) surreal…like after years of loss, how can this finally be happening?

But it is.  That’s our little girl inside who flutters around at night and gets stronger every day.  She’ll never erase the past two years, but I know she’ll make them worth it.  She already has.  It’s still hard to imagine we’ll be bringing a baby home in October, but I feel like that’s okay.  One day at a time.  And today?  There’s joy.

Sending all of you love and strength…I hope each and everyone of you gets to feel this happiness in one way or another.  I believe you will.

Love,
Courtney