A bit of a funk.

28 Nov

I’m sorry I’ve been so negative lately.  Unfortunately, I don’t see it going away any time soon.  I’m not quite sure what to do about the sadness I’m experiencing these days; at this point all I can think to do is ride it out.  I think it’s better to work through it than try to push it aside…so that’s my plan for now.  Thank you for all your love and support, I honestly feel like I’m not worthy of it…I’m having such a difficult time giving it back these days.  I’ll understand if you can’t keep giving it to me.  This should never be a one way street.

Along these same lines, my lack of commenting has made for a really poor performance with ICLW this time around…I guess I didn’t think I’d be in this state when I signed up.  I had been doing so well for so long, and now it’s all that I can do to even turn on the computer.  So those of you that came by and left words of encouragement, thank you so much, they have been really wonderful to read.  This community is incredible.

In light of my last two weeks, I think we’re taking December off from trying.  I just need a break from the disappointment.  Besides, there are hot-buttered rums to be consumed, and I can’t spend another two weeks of not drinking just to get my period again.  I’m not a huge drinker, but if I can have one thing that a pregnant woman can’t, I’ll take it, damnit!

So January we’ll hop back on this crazy train.  Hopefully I’ll be in better spirits by then.

In the meantime, I’m trying to surround myself with joy and hope that it sticks.

Joy in the form of this:

apple pie

apple pie slice

And this:

christmas lights

Right now, it’s the little things.

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19 Responses to “A bit of a funk.”

  1. Hope November 28, 2011 at 8:13 pm #

    Mmmm pie! Yum!

    Don’t worry about not commenting right now. We all go through our up phases and our down phases. I do agree with you about working through things rather than pushing them aside, even though it’s really hard. Here’s a virtual *hug* as you work your way through.

    A break from TTC sounds like a good idea. Enjoy those hot buttered rums!

  2. Izzy November 28, 2011 at 8:21 pm #

    I think just being with the sadness is definitely the best thing to do. Hopefully it will all work itself out, with the help of some hot buttered rums. 🙂 I don’t even know how to take a break, but I’m sure we could really use it. So maybe instead of a lunch date, we need a cocktail date!

  3. chon November 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm #

    You’re a damn fine cook. That pastry looks delish. I think not trying at xmas is a good idea. You want to be able to have some semblance of fun and getting AF on xmas day is not fun (refer me in 2009, not a happy time especially with your 20 week pregnant SIL). Hot buttered rum – hello! I am loving reading about all of these different holiday traditions. Look after yourself and don’t worry about being negative. You have had a lot of crap to deal with. It’s normal. Don’t beat yourself up. Drink some rum. xxx

  4. Tracy November 28, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

    I feel like you got sucked into the black hole that I once frequented in the past. It’s deep and dark but let me tell you….buttered rum, makes it allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the better 😀

    In all seriousness, a break from ttc is healthy, normal, and often just what your body needs to recuperate . I was never able to “take a break” and wound up getting myself pregnant on the months that I threw caution to the wind and had a big glass of wine before a ttc session 😉

    If sad is what you need to feel right now – embrace it. We often try to push aside what we are feeling to feel *normal* but neglect a totally valid feeling that needs acknowledgment, support and love.

    For a fee (nicely wrapped up baby with a big bow on it), I’ll come clean your bathroom floors 😉

  5. Courtney November 28, 2011 at 8:54 pm #

    I found it darn near impossible to be positive for the 3 years we were trying to have a baby – especially around the holidays. My sister gave birth to two babies in the time it took me to conceive one – and there was no way I was going to be happy around her for Christmas. She is my favorite person in the entire world, but I.just.could.not.do.it for her, myself, or anyone else. Don’t apologize for anything. This is a hard time for many people – but especially hard for those who are struggling with IF.

  6. Her Royal Fabulousness November 29, 2011 at 4:38 am #

    Taking a break is good advice. I have been taking one too (Nov and will continue into Dec) and I feel so much better. Enjoy it while you can and take good care of yourself.

  7. Jjiraffe November 29, 2011 at 8:55 am #

    That pie looks amazing, of course!! Glad you are indulging in some things like baking and decorating the tree that make you happy. Hotbuttered rums sound excellent too! Maybe you might be able to fit in a visit to the spa, too?

    Don’t worry about not commenting or being negative. We’re all here for you, regardless.

  8. Creating A Rainbow November 29, 2011 at 8:58 am #

    Enjoy your break – drink up!! Hopefully it will recharge the inner soul and you will come out screaming to POAS! 🙂 xoxo

  9. nobabiesyet November 29, 2011 at 11:14 am #

    As you know I’m right there with you. Sick and tired of all of it and the result being the same. I think you are absolutely right to stay with these sad negative feeling and to work through them just make sure if you start feeling stuck to deal with that too. So for now here’s to us having some drinks (I’m cheersing my wine glass to you) having some fun having some non baby sex and enjoying December. It’s the only December 2011 we will have. I hope we can both get out of our funks soon!

  10. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row November 29, 2011 at 2:41 pm #

    So you have my #. Call me if you need me…or even if you don’t.

    Love you.

  11. Marie November 29, 2011 at 4:18 pm #

    I’m gonna need to know how to make hot buttered rums. Facemail it to me. And hang in there – a December break sounds perfect xoxox

  12. starfishkittydreams November 29, 2011 at 6:38 pm #

    Take care. We are here for you.

  13. Kristen November 29, 2011 at 6:47 pm #

    So sorry you are in a funk, but it is absolutely understandable and we’re here for you! I love how hard you work to see the good in little things…hot buttered rum, pies (your baked goods always look gorgeous, by the way), a sparkly tree…I really admire you for working to find happiness in what is really such a tough, tough situation you find yourself in…
    Hugs…
    XO

  14. slcurwin November 30, 2011 at 5:12 pm #

    When Hubby and I took some time off, it made a world of difference for me (and I’m assuming him too, lol). Letting go of all that weight I’d been carrying around? so much better. I’ve still been afraid to start tracking again since we’ve been trying because it caused me so muich stress that I just about snapped. So, time off and a few drink…or just endulging in all the things you can’t when trying is a great idea. Go drink whatever it is you like, eat some pate, oysters and soft cheese. And LOTS of coffee!

  15. Emily December 1, 2011 at 7:26 pm #

    Like I have been told and still am working on, no need to apologize for being sad or venting or anything. That is what this place is here for and we are here for you. We have taken a break for 2 months now and it has been so good for the soul. We focused on reconnecting and making ourselves happy. Thinking about you. Hugz!

    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm pie *drool*

  16. Kristen December 2, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    Hey,
    Gave you an award today on my blog. Don’t feel obligated to pass it on…just wanted you to know how much you are appreciated! 🙂
    XO

  17. Port of Indecision December 2, 2011 at 10:57 pm #

    I think working through the funk is good too. It’s not like pushing it to the side actually makes it go away. Don’t feel like you need to be Super Blogger. Just take care of you.

  18. Her Royal Fabulousness December 4, 2011 at 7:01 am #

    I hope this cheers you up – gave you an award 🙂

  19. Justine December 6, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    oh, yes, PIE. I am sending you thoughts of small joys from the East (Coast, that is). Funk if you need to. xxoo

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