A heart-wrenching PostSecret.

7 Nov

Did anyone else see this secret on this Sunday’s PostSecret?

Those last five words…..I want to find whoever it is that sent it in, grab her, and not let go…and pray with all that I have that she won’t lose that baby.

Those last five words are uncomfortably familiar.

After my first few losses, I wasn’t sure how I would be able to continue.  I remember so clearly after the second and soul-crushing loss, how I briefly thought about driving into the river instead of going to the doctor’s, where I was headed.  It seemed like such a better alternative than my reality at the time, with all of my hopes and dreams lying lifeless in a plastic container in the back of the car.

These particular words are so very bold and real, it is incredibly frightening.  My experience was fortunately just a fleeting thought, but these, these are a permanent declaration.  I know I don’t know the entire story, or how long she’s fought for this baby girl…but these words, they hit me in a way that make me want fight for our collective voice.   So many of us have felt like our entire world ended with the loss of a heartbeat and felt at times like no one could possibly understand what it’s like to experience this heartache and this pain…and it’s all because people don’t talk about it.  We are made to feel so completely alone in this grief because it’s not recognized as real grief.   A woman like this needs to know that she’s not alone and that we’re all out here to help get her through this.  I know I’m where I am today largely because of you guys; because of your brave words I learned I wasn’t alone in this.  What if she doesn’t find that?

This is why it’s so important to keep talking about this out loud, and not just on our blogs.  This is why the Redbook campaign is so important and why RESOLVE exists.  I feel like I need to do more.  If I can make just one other woman feel less alone, it will make all of this hell worth it.  If I can stop one other woman from wanting to drive into a river, I want to find a way to do it.

I hope this woman finds the support she needs.  More importantly, I hope she never needs to.

19 Responses to “A heart-wrenching PostSecret.”

  1. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row November 7, 2011 at 8:17 pm #

    I did see that. I hate when there are if secrets, I always wonder if they have the ALI community behind them.

  2. Esperanza November 7, 2011 at 8:19 pm #

    Wow, that takes my breath away. I hope that woman gives birth to a beautiful, healthy baby. I hope that for all of us.

  3. Hope November 7, 2011 at 9:36 pm #

    I wish whoever wrote that PostSecret could read your post and know how hard you (and all of us) would fight to save her from such pain and desperation.

  4. cablearms November 8, 2011 at 2:09 am #

    Can you add ‘PostSecret’ on your tags? It may be a long shot…
    That really sent shivers up and down my spine. I have some idea of the desperation – but not like this. Definitely, not like this.

  5. Christina November 8, 2011 at 5:04 am #

    I saw this on Sunday and cried reading. I thought of sharing it here with the ALI community as well. One way to reach back out to her is to email post secret/Frank with a reply. Often time he posts them. Hopefully, she checks there often and would see the response(s).

    I know they ramp up things for the Suicide prevention site/line as the holidays approach. I wonder if there is any way to do the same for IF/Resolve, etc?

    • bodegabliss November 8, 2011 at 9:05 am #

      That’s a great idea…I wonder what the statistics are for suicide with IF/pregnancy loss. I know that’s an awful thing to think about, but I’m curious. I have a strong desire in prevention of suicide, as unfortunately, I’ve had personal experience with it in my life. Maybe that’s why this effected me so much. I actually did email PS/Frank and I keep checking the site to see if they’ve updated it and they haven’t yet.

  6. Kathy November 8, 2011 at 5:36 am #

    Wow, that is heart-wrenching. I don’t know what Post-Secret is, but I hope and pray that this woman is sharing her feelings, especially her hopes and her fears with others who can help to support and encourage her through this time. Being a bereaved mother myself I know how painful and devastating it is to lose a child(ren). Thank you for sharing this and starting this important conversation up the necessity for women (and men) dealing with poor prenatal diagnosis or the fear of loss to have care and support to get through such difficult and uncertain times in their lives.

  7. Detour November 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    You’re absolutely right–there’s something about putting it out there in such bold words that’s very frightening. I understand the desperation, but it’s startling to see someone write something like that. I hope the woman has people to talk to.

    • bodegabliss November 16, 2011 at 11:55 am #

      Exactly. That’s the thing, those words…I hope she does, too.

  8. Kristen November 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm #

    Wow, I hadn’t seen this…it’s just heartbreaking.
    My mom has a little list she keeps in her office titled “Rules for Living”…the one that always strikes me is “Don’t let anyone feel alone” and I think that’s what you are getting at here. Things are always so much worse when you feel it’s just you going through it and losing a baby before he/she is born is such an invisible loss…
    Sometimes it does seem as if the world gives us more than we can bear…

  9. Cookie with Milk November 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm #

    I’ve been thinking about this PostSecret all day. I hope she has a support system around her, people who will understand where she’s coming from. A lot of people expected me to be thrilled with my pregnancy, and when I wasn’t, they didn’t really react in the best, most supportive manner. It took me by surprise, but I do have an understanding husband, and the ALI community to fall back on.

  10. jjiraffe November 8, 2011 at 4:46 pm #

    This gave me the chills, too. My heart goes out to this woman. I do know that women who go through infertility and loss have higher rates of depression, but I’ve never wondered about suicide. I wonder if Resolve has any information about that…

  11. Port of Indecision November 8, 2011 at 6:15 pm #

    That is truly heart-wrenching. I’ve never wanted to actually die during this journey, but there was a time where I fantasized about driving my car into the concrete upright median. Not to kill or even injure myself, but just to smash the fuck out of something big and powerful and noisy. I didn’t, but man did I want to a few times.

  12. slcurwin November 8, 2011 at 9:47 pm #

    I felt instand panic and heart break reading that. I understood the feeling all too well. I didn’t want to end myself when I lost my babies, but especially after the second, I just didn’t have the will to keep on for a long time. It’s been a year and a half since my last loss and I’m only now starting to shape back up and step back into the real world.
    This poor woman, I just hope she doesn’t stay quiet about what’s going on, but lets it out and talks about it. She needs to lean on someone right now.

  13. Elphaba November 9, 2011 at 6:18 am #

    Yah. I’ve had that thought. If this baby didn’t make it now, it would all be over.

  14. nobabiesyet November 10, 2011 at 9:23 am #

    It’s things like this that make me want to come out about our pain and struggles so that women feeling alone know that they aren’t. To tell more than family and close friends, but i just don’t know how to do that.

  15. jes g November 25, 2011 at 8:46 pm #

    those words are so powerful and so truly understood….. i think i would feel similar.

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