Aaaaaaand….32 it is!

27 Sep


Today, on my 32nd birthday, I’m filled with hope.

I look back on the last 2 years and think of the hell that I’ve been through, and today, I feel strong.  Stronger than the woman 2 years ago that didn’t yet know pain.  And although, even now, the pain of each loss is still so vivid, the devastation so clear…here I am on the other side and I’m still breathing.  My breath may be weathered, but it now knows how to fight for the air I need to survive this little life of mine.  I’m left with scars that will forever be on my soul…but I’m able to sit here and tell the world about it.  For that, I’m proud.  I made it through it all and came out a better person.

Maybe I feel this way today because I just spent the weekend with an incredible group of friends, who gave me the energy to feel empowered.  They love me for who I am and always will, and a weekend of laughter with my favorite girls in all of the world, is a good way to get your energy back.  It was a weekend full of babies and pregnancy and consistent talk of both….and although in the beginning it was difficult, the love I have for them far outweighed the struggle that was going on in my head and I succumbed to it.  And I honestly think it’s just what I needed.  (It helped that my friend’s babies had smiles that could melt even the toughest of hearts.)

My life may not turn out the way I had envisioned it, but it still has the possibility of being great.  I have so much love in my life, and I feel so incredibly grateful.  And maybe that’s enough for me.

My horoscope today says: “Today’s New Moon in your sign signals a sudden break from your past if you are ready to place your new intentions into action.” I think it sounds like a good plan to break from my past today, and I’m ready to put new intentions into action.  2 years of this is enough, wouldn’t you say?  I’m also thinking the fact the New Moon is falling on my birthday is an even greater omen.

Today, I have hope.

32 may just be the year it all turns around.


One year ago today: Hello, 31.


21 Responses to “Aaaaaaand….32 it is!”

  1. slcurwin September 27, 2011 at 11:51 am #

    Happy birthday! Your picture has me wanting to go swimming. You’re right. Two year is long enough. A break from the past would be great.

    • bodegabliss September 27, 2011 at 11:54 am #

      I actually did go swimming! My friends took some awesome pictures of us jumping into the water, so as soon as I have those, I’ll post them here, too. It was so wonderful. Cold, but so incredibly refreshing.

  2. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row September 27, 2011 at 11:58 am #

    Happy birthday gorgeous girl! I know that this year will be amazing for you. I’m so grateful I have you in my circle of friends. Hope today (and this year) prove to be fun and fertile. 🙂 xoxo

    • bodegabliss September 27, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

      Thanks, Rachel! I’m grateful to have you in my circle as well.

  3. Esperanza September 27, 2011 at 1:08 pm #


    I have to admit, my first reaction to your post was, SHHHHIT! J and I bought your a present and I never even asked for your address to send it to you. Bad friend! Please email me your address ASAP so I can get it in the mail, lest it be swallowed up by the disaster that is my room.

    I loved this post. You sound like you are in a very strong place right now, and I appreciate how hard that must be given the last two years, and a weekend with your friends babies and bellies. I hope so much that 32 is your year for those things. I HOPE!

    • bodegabliss September 27, 2011 at 1:14 pm #

      Hahaha. Okay, I’ll send it to you. 🙂 Thanks for the birthday wishes!

  4. Elphaba September 27, 2011 at 1:12 pm #

    Happy birthday hun–this is a beautiful post and I’m so glad you’re able to find so much grace in the world around you. You are amazing.

    And 32–that’s when it turned around for me. Now it’s your turn 🙂

    • bodegabliss September 27, 2011 at 1:17 pm #

      Aw, thanks Elphaba. I sure hope you’re right.

      And btw, I had a dream last night that we got to walk our dogs together. You came to my work with Took’s future girlfriend and we got to take our pups out for a stroll. But it started to rain in the dream and then I think I woke up before we really got to walk. It was fun to hang out, though! Thanks for meeting me at work! Next time, I’ll come meet you. It’s only right that we take turns. 😉

  5. Mo September 27, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    Love you so so much!
    I know this year is going to be amazing for you.
    Happy happy happy birthday!

  6. Natalie September 27, 2011 at 3:46 pm #

    Happy Birthday! Sorry to stalk you via someone else I was visiting Mommy Odyssey and she linked to you and I just couldn’t help myself but comment. I love this post and your outlook on 32. Hope it is the best year of your existence!

  7. Kristen September 27, 2011 at 3:55 pm #

    Happy, happy, happy birthday! 32 is going to be SUCH a great year for you…I can feel it! 🙂 And LOVE your horoscope…what a positive way to start this new year!
    Lots of love…

  8. cablearms September 27, 2011 at 5:09 pm #

    Happy Birthday, Honey!
    May you have a healthy, inspirational, empowering and love-filled year and more.


  9. Port of Indecision September 27, 2011 at 5:51 pm #

    Happy birthday!!! I’m holding out high hopes for you that 32 is phenomenal.

  10. embracingtherain September 27, 2011 at 6:43 pm #

    Happy Birthday! I hope that 32 has many wonderful things in store for you.

  11. Tracy September 27, 2011 at 7:13 pm #

    Love your post! I could feel your smile shining through on it!

    Here’s hoping that 32 brings a wealth of happiness and a turn around to all the other stuff 🙂

  12. endoandbeyond September 27, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

    Beautiful post
    Happy birthday….yay for Libra’s

    • bodegabliss September 28, 2011 at 8:47 am #

      Libras are seriously the best, aren’t they? 😉

  13. jjiraffe September 28, 2011 at 1:04 am #

    Happy Birthday!! Esperanza and I have a birthday gift for you next time we meet up (soon I hope).

    This post flooded my heart with joy. Go, you! And, beautiful picture 🙂 Maine?

    • bodegabliss September 28, 2011 at 8:45 am #

      North Carolina, actually! From this weekend. 🙂

      (I hope to see you soon, too! You guys are the sweetest.)

  14. Cattiz J September 28, 2011 at 2:40 am #

    Happy Birthday! This is a lovely post filled with hope for the future.

    Visiting via Mo =)

  15. bodegabliss September 28, 2011 at 8:47 am #

    Thank you everyone! It really means a lot to read all of your birthday wishes. You’ve helped make this year a fantastic one already!

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