Today, on my 32nd birthday, I’m filled with hope.
I look back on the last 2 years and think of the hell that I’ve been through, and today, I feel strong. Stronger than the woman 2 years ago that didn’t yet know pain. And although, even now, the pain of each loss is still so vivid, the devastation so clear…here I am on the other side and I’m still breathing. My breath may be weathered, but it now knows how to fight for the air I need to survive this little life of mine. I’m left with scars that will forever be on my soul…but I’m able to sit here and tell the world about it. For that, I’m proud. I made it through it all and came out a better person.
Maybe I feel this way today because I just spent the weekend with an incredible group of friends, who gave me the energy to feel empowered. They love me for who I am and always will, and a weekend of laughter with my favorite girls in all of the world, is a good way to get your energy back. It was a weekend full of babies and pregnancy and consistent talk of both….and although in the beginning it was difficult, the love I have for them far outweighed the struggle that was going on in my head and I succumbed to it. And I honestly think it’s just what I needed. (It helped that my friend’s babies had smiles that could melt even the toughest of hearts.)
My life may not turn out the way I had envisioned it, but it still has the possibility of being great. I have so much love in my life, and I feel so incredibly grateful. And maybe that’s enough for me.
My horoscope today says: “Today’s New Moon in your sign signals a sudden break from your past if you are ready to place your new intentions into action.” I think it sounds like a good plan to break from my past today, and I’m ready to put new intentions into action. 2 years of this is enough, wouldn’t you say? I’m also thinking the fact the New Moon is falling on my birthday is an even greater omen.
Today, I have hope.
32 may just be the year it all turns around.
One year ago today: Hello, 31.