The genetic counseling appointment turned out nothing like I expected it would. Actually, that’s a lie…the part where I had a feeling they’ve already done all the genetic testing they can do, was completely right on. But the part that I didn’t expect was when towards the end of the conversation, I mentioned that I had been looking on the practice’s website and saw a doctor who specialized in pregnancy loss and asked if I would be able to meet with her eventually. She stepped out for a moment and stuck her head in the doctor’s office and asked if she could meet me real quick. The sweetest woman then stepped into the office and immediately took me back to hers to talk. When I told her I had just had my fourth miscarriage, she looked me in the eyes and said how sorry she was. A doctor! Here’s where it gets crazy – she’s had four miscarriages and is now pregnant and in her 2nd trimester (the genetic counselor had given me a heads up about the pregnancy before she went to get her, but none of that mattered after Dr. W told me her history). I may have recently stopped believing in signs, but this right here might have me questioning that choice (or maybe it’s a sign I should keep believing in signs?).
We talked for almost half an hour, free of charge. She went over my history and discussed what my next steps most likely should be. She gave me three names for Reproductive Endocrinologists that she recommended and thinks my insurance will even cover them. She called my doctor that afternoon to tell her what she thought the course of action should be (Heparin, progesterone) and wants to see me as soon as I’m pregnant until the 2nd trimester when she’ll hand me back over to my OB.
I wanted to take her and her pregnant belly home with me I loved her so much.
What I thought was only going to be a step in the right direction, turned out to be just what I needed. I can’t tell you how good it felt to be in an office of a doctor who knew everything I should do and what will most likely work*. By the end of the appointment, I knew she was already rooting for me. I even felt like the counselor was in my corner.
And see that necklace above? Maybe I need to start believing again.
(Necklace is from Kyri at littlejarofhearts. I bought the last one of it’s kind, but please do go and check out her stuff because she’s a real sweetheart. I bought an exact version of this necklace for a friend of mine that said “Hope” and then decided I needed one as well, but all she had available was “Believe” — apropos, no? The Hope necklace went to one of my best friends, S, who just experienced her first – and hopefully last – miscarriage a few weeks ago. I was devastated when I found out because I honestly thought I had taken all of the miscarriages away from our group of friends (shouldn’t four have that benefit?). Apparently it doesn’t work that way. I just didn’t want any one else I love to experience this pain. It’s just not fair. If you can, send her some love and strength. I love her dearly and remember all too well how it feels after that first one, and you need hope any where you can get it. I love you, S. I’m here for you. )
* I love my doctor, but even she’ll admit someone else might be able to help me more at this point.