The rack.

13 Jul

(Dad, you might want to skip this one, the title isn’t referring to the rack on my car.  Let that be considered a warning.)

Before I get to the part of this post where I bitch, let me toot my own horn for a minute here — ever since I developed breasts, they’ve been the only part of my body that I haven’t hated.  My weight has fluctuated, my head has seen it’s share of bad hair days years, my belly has always been slightly round, and my legs were once called tree trunks (that one scarred me).  But my boobs?  I haven’t heard a complaint yet.  I’d give anything for my friend’s legs, their hair, their flat stomach….but they’ve been known to want my chest.  (However, you should know that despite my comfort with my chest, I’m not one to really flaunt them.  Except for that one – okay, maybe two – halloween costume(s).  Ahem.  Moving on…)  Before my losses, it was the one thing I worried most about when I thought about having babies – I didn’t want to lose my boobs.  Oh how naive I was!  I would love for that to be my only worry now.

Two weeks ago I looked down and realized my beloved chest had betrayed me after this last pregnancy – it now belongs to a woman who has birthed – and nursed! – a child, maybe even two.  Except, in case you haven’t noticed, I’M CHILDLESS.  Out of all of this shit, this might be the worst joke to have been played on me yet.  Are you kidding me?  When most women’s boobs turn into this, they at least have a baby to make it all worth it!  What do I have?  Ill-fitting bras and hospital bills?  Hardly worth it!

I know that in light of things, this is pretty insignificant, I know that.  But come on!  Going through all of this for the last year and a half has definitely taken a toll on my relationship with my body…the least the universe could do would be to let me keep my boobs!


10 Responses to “The rack.”

  1. Tracy July 13, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    Oh my god. I just wrote about this – except mine just got bigger and make me feel totally uncomfortable and self conscious. All my clothes fit weird and tight now and it SUCKS big time! I totally get where you are coming from. It’s not that insignificant because look at what happened to us to us in the process of our quest to motherhood. It’s lame.

    Gotta love the after effects of RPL.

  2. missohkay July 13, 2011 at 1:18 pm #

    Ugh, that sucks. A friend recently told me mine looked bigger and I said, “um, thanks?” because they were on the small side before. And one is still bigger than the other, which is totally unfair. I think they should split the losses – righty gets two and lefty gets one – then I could have a well-proportioned chest. Enough about me – sorry about your rack!!

    • bodegabliss July 13, 2011 at 1:34 pm #

      Oh man! That stinks! And just so you know, my left one has always been bigger than the right. So apparently our chests balance each other out. Ha! But yours totally should’ve split the difference. What’s up with righty hogging all of it? And, um, yeah, mine are now flat on top and remarkably lower. So not cool.

  3. jjiraffe July 13, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

    Ugh. That sucks. Things may, uh, perk up (sorry, bad pun) for you. After my last miscarriage, the same thing happened to me (old lefty fell down on the job), but in about 6 months they recovered their shapes. Sorta.

  4. starfishkittydreams July 13, 2011 at 3:11 pm #

    I hear you. It sounds like they’ve been good to you.

    My boobs feel different too. They go up and down with each pregnancy. When I ask my husband he claims they look the same, so now I wonder if it’s just in my head.

    • bodegabliss July 13, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

      Ha! I asked my husband and he agreed. 😦 (he still loves them, though!)

  5. zygotta July 13, 2011 at 4:55 pm #

    that sure sucks 😦
    I used to work in a lingerie store in my student years – I saw my share of those post-hormonal breasts. Yeah, they look sad – but they reshape back. Well, mostly. So hold on – all is not lost!

  6. Port of Indecision July 14, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    May be insignificant, but it’s still insult to injury. I’ve had the opposite problem. Mine were decently large to begin with, and just get incrementally bigger with each pregnancy and never go back down.

  7. Mo July 15, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

    mine have been creeping down gradually over the last few pregnancies too. stupid boobs! Urgh!

  8. Kristen July 17, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

    Thanks so much for your sweet comment on my blog this week.
    So sorry for all you have been through as well.
    And sucks about your boobs. Mine have gotten WAY bigger (from a B to a DD)…a lot (most) of my clothes don’t fit now because of it, but I hate to get rid of anything because who knows what’s going to happen and where my boobs will eventually end up?
    PS Love picturing you in Bodega Bay when I read what you write…such a magical place…

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