Last night in therapy we came to a pretty easy conclusion on what is causing all of my problems in life: I refuse to live in the moment.
One by one, we talked about all of my underlying issues, why I get stuck worrying about things and can’t seem to move past the worry and live my life, and every single one of them is because I can’t seem to live in the now.
Remember this? It’s because I’m living in the past or in the future, not in the present. I always want what I had or what I think I could have, when in reality, what I already have – at this moment! – is pretty incredible. My constant fear of my dog running away? He’s here now: live in the moment! My desire to move back home? I live in an amazing place with a good life. My desire to head back East is based solely on my past experience with living there* and thinking it would be nothing but grand if I were to move back. How do I know this? Sure, I believe I’m my happiest there, but my unhappiness here won’t simply disappear with moving, I’ve proved that time and time again. Presently, I’m in a fantastic place with a lot of benefits. Succumb to the present! My fear of pregnancy? I can’t control the future and worrying about what-ifs will not get me anywhere. What will be, will be.
LIVE. IN. THE. MOMENT.
Tim is really good at this. I’m going to bank on the fact he’s 12 years older than me and because of that he’s learned how to master it in those years, and I have faith I will, too. But how do I do it? Where do I start?
Do any of you find yourself not being able to live in the moment, and only able to focus on the future or past? If you have mastered living in the moment, how the hell did you do it?
I’ve been aware of this for a while now…but having it so plainly pointed out to me as the root of all of my unhappiness, really hit me. I could so easily see that if I were simply here now, mind and body, life would be a whole lot easier. And also? A hell of a lot more fun.
I’m starting to work on it now, because it obviously can’t wait until the future. (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.)
* Ultimately, the fact my family lives there is a bigger pull on this one. But I’d be lying to say that in my head, I don’t romanticize it and make it out to be the solution to all my problems.