Hate the wait.

25 Mar

Sometimes, comments can really hit you in a profound way.  And since I haven’t had any hate mail yet, so far this has always been a good thing.  On yesterday’s post, I received one of these that made me stop everything I was doing, and let her words sink in.  I wanted to share it here because I have a feeling it might help you if you’ve been feeling pretty similar, too.

I don’t know why, maybe it’s the fact that she had exactly the same number of losses as me, or she wrote it with tears in her eyes as she watched her child before her, but her words struck me in a different way that similar advice hasn’t before it.  I mean, seriously, do you know how many people have told me, “you just have to believe,” or “you just have to keep the faith?”  To the point where I can’t help but roll my eyes to the person saying it.  You try and do that it if you think it’s so easy!  And honestly, at this point it just goes in one ear and out the other.  It’s been near impossible to keep that hope when every single day there is evidence around me of women who get knocked up and have babies without even noticing.  And me?  I have a 3-time failure record.  It’s a little hard to keep the hope alive.

Perhaps it was because she worded it differently, I don’t know.  But it made me stop and access that part of me that I’ve squelched for so long now, the intuition part of me that has unfairly been bullied by my head and heart for over a year now, afraid to speak up.

I searched inside me for any clue into whether or not I honestly believed I was meant to have a child.  And I do. I honestly believe I am going to have a baby.  Like L said above, I do feel like there is a little one out there calling to me, and the best I can do at this point, is distract myself until that happens.

From this moment on, I’m going to do my best to not let my heart and head crush my intuition, my dream.  They’ve been ganging up for way too long now, and it’s time the intuition starts taking things over again.

Thank you, L, you have no idea how much your words meant to me.  Thank you.  I only hope I can do the same for another woman in my shoes when I finally have my little one.

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11 Responses to “Hate the wait.”

  1. Artistmouse March 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

    Wow! Thank you so much for posting this (and thank you L). My journey is different from yours and L’s, but I’ve been struggling lately with some very close people around me being pregnant and a coworker with whom I shared a close EDD. Seeing her growing belly everyday is crushing and some days it’s easier to ignore than others. I will take these words of inspiration and hope, save them and read them whenever I’m having a low moment to remind myself that all hope is not lost.

  2. tanyaslifejourney March 25, 2011 at 3:25 pm #

    Visiting from ICLW.
    I am so sorry for all your losses. I lost a pregnancy in February of last year also. I haven’t been pregnant again but I still have hope that some day, some way I’ll have a LO to call my own.

  3. Amanda March 25, 2011 at 4:02 pm #

    Wow..thanks for sharing that. I got chills when I read it. It gives me a whole new perspective. This WILL happen. xo

  4. mommyodyssey March 25, 2011 at 4:04 pm #

    beautifully written. On both your parts.

  5. Hope March 25, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    Thank you so much for highlighting this comment and sharing your thoughts on it. It is a very powerful inspiration and beacon of hope. I feel that pull, too. 🙂

    I’m glad you are feeling a little more hopeful right now.

  6. jjiraffe March 25, 2011 at 11:10 pm #

    How wonderful that she shared her journey with you, and told you about its happy ending. Her comment actually gave me the chills. I felt like I was reading your future.

  7. Elphaba March 26, 2011 at 6:55 am #

    I honestly think you’re going to have a baby too.

    And maybe when it comes from someone who actually, really understands, the advice just makes more sense.

  8. Marie March 26, 2011 at 8:46 am #

    I think we should stage a “hate the wait” protest. It has a nice, almost political ring to it.

  9. Liz March 26, 2011 at 6:16 pm #

    Thanks for sharing, it is a very sweet comment. I had a miscarriage about 6 weeks ago and can relate to the feeling that I know I will also be a Mom some day! I’m sure you will have a little boy or girl dancing for you some day as well : )

  10. starfishkittydreams March 28, 2011 at 10:49 am #

    I completely agree with that sentiment. Waiting is so painful. And with more waiting, the more I just feel like time is flying by and nothing is happening. There doesn’t seem to be an end to this!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Hate Mail « Yolk: A blog about eggs and sperm - March 27, 2011

    […] talked indirectly about this a couple of days ago when someone left her a really nice comment. It came from a woman who, after experiencing three losses, had finally been granted her […]

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