Sometimes, comments can really hit you in a profound way. And since I haven’t had any hate mail yet, so far this has always been a good thing. On yesterday’s post, I received one of these that made me stop everything I was doing, and let her words sink in. I wanted to share it here because I have a feeling it might help you if you’ve been feeling pretty similar, too.
I don’t know why, maybe it’s the fact that she had exactly the same number of losses as me, or she wrote it with tears in her eyes as she watched her child before her, but her words struck me in a different way that similar advice hasn’t before it. I mean, seriously, do you know how many people have told me, “you just have to believe,” or “you just have to keep the faith?” To the point where I can’t help but roll my eyes to the person saying it. You try and do that it if you think it’s so easy! And honestly, at this point it just goes in one ear and out the other. It’s been near impossible to keep that hope when every single day there is evidence around me of women who get knocked up and have babies without even noticing. And me? I have a 3-time failure record. It’s a little hard to keep the hope alive.
Perhaps it was because she worded it differently, I don’t know. But it made me stop and access that part of me that I’ve squelched for so long now, the intuition part of me that has unfairly been bullied by my head and heart for over a year now, afraid to speak up.
I searched inside me for any clue into whether or not I honestly believed I was meant to have a child. And I do. I honestly believe I am going to have a baby. Like L said above, I do feel like there is a little one out there calling to me, and the best I can do at this point, is distract myself until that happens.
From this moment on, I’m going to do my best to not let my heart and head crush my intuition, my dream. They’ve been ganging up for way too long now, and it’s time the intuition starts taking things over again.
Thank you, L, you have no idea how much your words meant to me. Thank you. I only hope I can do the same for another woman in my shoes when I finally have my little one.