Last night I met up with the friend I’ve mentioned briefly here to talk about everything that’s happened over the past year and how we’ve hurt one another during that time. I was nervous heading into the meet-up, but at the same time, determined to look at it with nothing but positivity. Finally, I was going to be able to explain to her what this year has been like. No speculation. And I did just that. And I was genuinely happy to see her. When we were close, before all of this, I enjoyed her company, I really did. But all of this happened and I pulled away from everyone pretty much and things got all mucky. We cried, we laughed, she said things that touched my heart. She even apologized for not being there like I needed her to be. That right there made all the difference in the world. I left feeling so much lighter. This has been weighing on me for a long time. I hate feeling like someone is disappointed in me, even if I feel I haven’t done anything wrong, it still feels heavy and upsetting. And now I feel like we’ve put everything behind us and can move on from here. It’s good.
It has hit me even more now, though, that we need to keep getting our collective voices out there. We need to keep finding ways to reach out to those outside of our (amazing) blog community to let them know what this is like for us. We need them to know how to talk to us and how to help us. I know we spend a lot of time here bitching about how they don’t understand (and we have every right to because if we can’t get it out here, where can we?), but we need to get them to understand, too. We need to get our stories to them so we can start to be understood and maybe, just maybe, we can help the next woman that’s going to go through this and doesn’t know about us yet, to not feel so alone. Talk to your friends and family, tell them what it’s like. Even if it’s the last thing you want to do. All of it is just one big misunderstanding. One big hundred-years-of-silent-suffering misunderstanding. If we weren’t in the midst of this, would we know how to handle it? Would we know what to say to someone that just lost a 3rd pregnancy? We wouldn’t. I love this community and the support we have for one another. But if you’re not already, I feel like we need to start talking to those that don’t have a clue what it’s about. Maybe one by one, we’ll slowly get to the point where women feel the support from the very beginning.
Havaya metakenet, perhaps? I think so. At least a version of it, anyway.
Happy Friday, everyone!