Installment #1: Posts From the Past

1 Feb

Whew.  Alright.  I know I’m tired of hearing me whine and moan, so let’s take a break, shall we?  Don’t get your hopes up too much, though, I’m fairly certain there’s more in there but I’m in need of a breather from it.  Even if it’s just for a moment.

I started something back here and have been meaning to revisit it since then, but I got a little wrapped up in, well, myself.  There are some good posts on there that I can’t wait to share, but a lot of the ones I have in mind are a bit heavy (shocking!), and that would defeat the purpose of a break from myself.   So we’ll save those for later.  You know, for times when I’m not too emotional.  Ha!

While I lived in Rhode Island, I went on some pretty interesting dates.  There are three in particular that stand out, but this one may have topped them all.  It’s one of my favorite date stories to tell.  Somehow I left out the part where I called my girlfriend from the bathroom asking her how I was going to get out of it.  So, you know, one of those.  Enjoy!

(In an effort to help remind myself how I got here and what helped make me who I am today, I’m revisiting some posts from my past.  This was originally posted in 2004.  You can read the intro to this series here.)

Dating Story #1

This particular guy was from somewhere in Europe that I met when I was showing my apartment to prospective sub-leasers*. He was cute; but then again, I was lonely and anxious for some kind of excitement in my life, and perhaps it comes in packages of Europeans. He shows up at my apartment and we head downtown for sushi. It’s going well, I find him fun and interesting…until half-way through the dinner he grabs my hands from across the table and holds them. I had known him for, oh, about an hour at this point. And he’s holding my hands. In a restaurant. On the table for all to see. But I thought, ok, whatever…he’s European, I’ll let it slide. We leave the restaurant and go to a near-by bar for drinks. About 5 minutes in, I’m over my hope and desire that this actually has a chance of being successful and I just don’t like him. I could care less what he is talking about and if my crossed-arms and legs and body tilt away from him isn’t enough, I’m staring blankly at the tv in front of me while he’s talking to me about who knows what. But I do take a brief moment away from the utterly-boring bowling league championship that I am watching and hear him say, “Come here.” I look over and he’s looking at me with such cockiness and wiggling his finger towards him. Then he leans in for the kill…puckering lips, eyes closed. “No. Are you kidding me?” I blantantly express, “What are you doing? I don’t do that sort of thing.” He replies with, “You stupid Americans. You are all the same.” Um, excuse me? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don’t think so. “Just because I’m an American, you think I don’t want to KISS YOU. ON A FIRST DATE.** IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR. You’d be lucky if I kissed you outside of the bar, in private, you jackass.” We left shortly after, following intense angry moments of silence. I couldn’t believe this. He drives me home, and just to add salt to the festering wound that had become of this European…I lean over to give him a hug. Why you ask? Yeah, if you come up with an answer to that one, let me know. I’m blaming it on the countless years of hugging hippy after hippy at school. (Those dready peace-lovers like to hug.) Anyway, he doesn’t even move. Doesn’t even take his hands of the steering wheel. I found it hilarious. Then – this is the best part – he actually emails me the next day and asks if I want to go out again. I emailed him back, wondering what date he was on because I sure as hell wouldn’t be going back out on a second date with the guy I went to dinner with that attacked my culture simply because I wouldn’t kiss his sleazy lips in front of strangers at a bar. I never heard from him again.Next dating story: the guy with fish lips that after 25 years still can’t kiss. Stay tuned. 

[*Guys!  I met him on Craigslist!  What if he was the original Craigslist killer?  Man, that was just dumb.  Sorry, mom!]

[** Just so you know, I’m not totally a prude.  I would’ve kissed him if I was into it.  But I used it as an excuse because he was attacking me for being an American.]

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13 Responses to “Installment #1: Posts From the Past”

  1. mommyodyssey February 1, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

    OMG this is hilarious! He was french, right? Tell me he was french. 🙂 And I thought Israeli men came on strong…

    • bodegabliss February 1, 2011 at 2:02 pm #

      You know, I think he was from Eastern Europe somewhere. I know that narrows it down, but we never discussed specifics. I just wasn’t interested enough to find out. Ha!

      • mommyodyssey February 1, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

        darn it! and I was imagining it all with an outrageous french accent (your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!).
        Second guess: Romania 🙂 ok. I’m done now! 🙂

      • bodegabliss February 1, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

        HAHAHAHA. You know, I think you might be right with Romania! You win the prize! Of what, I don’t know…you win the satisfaction of guessing correctly the origin of my awesome date? I know, I know, you can rest well now. 🙂

      • slcurwin February 1, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

        Now I need to go watch that holy grail again, classic.

  2. mommyodyssey February 1, 2011 at 3:26 pm #

    I will also accept shoes (I’m a seven), chocolate, or a virtual hug (I’m easy that way) 🙂 Yay! another reason to get a good night’s sleep.

    • bodegabliss February 1, 2011 at 3:33 pm #

      A seven? Well geez, I’m a nine, so I can’t send you any of mine! Um, not that I’m cheap….ahem. So for now, I’m sending you a virtual hug and later chocolate. Sound good?

      Also maybe a sleep mask? 🙂

  3. slcurwin February 1, 2011 at 9:01 pm #

    Friggin’ hilarious. Reminds me of all those awful Australian men that I met when I was living there. I have litterally been smacked by every one (of dateable age) that I talk to because I either led them on (by not immediately announcing I was taken) or by immediately announcing I was taken (and therefore insulting them with assumptions of their intent). I just couldn’t win over there.

  4. Elphaba February 2, 2011 at 5:57 am #

    Haha, this is hilarious! Makes me want to recap all my bad dates!

    • bodegabliss February 2, 2011 at 8:42 am #

      You totally should! There’s another one coming, too. But like I said, this one takes the cake.

  5. Marie February 2, 2011 at 11:38 am #

    Great idea – posts from the past. Sometimes I like to think of the timeline, like “If I hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t get to do that…” “If I hadn’t met him, I wouldn’t have met someone better…” etc. And someday we will all look back at the annoyingness of our lives right now, after everything is so much better, and say, “If I hadn’t gone through hell, I never would have gotten here.” Right? RIGHT?

    Because everything happens for a reason, right?

    But seriously. Great idea to bring in these old stories 🙂

    • bodegabliss February 2, 2011 at 12:06 pm #

      Yes, these stories definitely help make me who I am today. I had a rough go in Rhode Island, and it forced me to move west for a new shot. And well, yeah, the rest is still in the making. And I do the “if this wouldn’t have happened, then I wouldn’t be” thing, too. But it stopped abruptly when I miscarried because those happen to nice people for NO GOOD REASON AT ALL. For the rest of my life, though, it applies.

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