I was planning on writing something else today, finally something not related to the miscarriages; but of course, my friend finally told me himself and I tried my hardest to seem happy for him and his wife, but I failed miserably. I hate not being able to find joy for those who deserve it. I hate that more than anything. It’s not me. It’s me clouded by grief, and I don’t like that me very much. And now I’m sitting here at work and the tears keep falling and I can’t think of anything else but my losses. This is when I don’t like working for men. These particular men are very understanding, but I know they can’t get it and I’ll just seem pathetic needing to go home because I can’t control my tears. I hate this.
When is it going to stop? How do the tears keep coming? Some days I just don’t know how I’m ever going to get through this. This week has been a hard week. I’d like to say that I’m happy it’s over, but I don’t see it getting better in time for next week.