She’s here.

5 Nov

Last Friday, October 26th, at 10:25 pm, we welcomed our little Elsie into the world. It was a long labor, stretching to 24 hours with just over 4 hours of pushing. The birth was incredible, amazing, trying and life-changing….but I made it a point not to expect it to go any particular way, and although decisions had to be made that I was hoping not to have to make, it was still perfect in every way.  My doctor was incredible and the nurses even more so.  Tim was by my side the entire time and was more amazing than I ever could have imagined.  I feel so lucky to have had the birth that I had…and more importantly, to have a healthy baby in my arms.

She’s here. I can’t believe it, but she is. I look at her face and it’s as if I’ve known it my whole life. There were so many times where I never thought this moment would come true. A year ago almost to the day (in fact, on her due date) I had given up ever believing I’d become a mother.  I was ready to give it one more try then move on knowing 5 losses would be my limit in heart break. But that one more try gave me her.  She’s my one more try.

She’s amazing.  She looks so much like Tim…she even has Chinese features and dark hair (for now).  I’ve never been so in love.  She was worth all the tears and pain because all of that brought me to her.

I apologize for taking so long to give you all the news of her birth, but man, I don’t know how you moms who post right away do it!  I’m super impressed.  Do you want to hear the birth story, or is that too much?  I want to respect those that are still in the middle of it, but I’m proud of my birth and would love to share it.  After that, I’m not sure if I will continue to use this space.  I know this is a common struggle for everyone in the ALI community once they have their babies….but since I’ve been feeling unsure of this space since becoming pregnant, it just seems more and more  like it’s the right choice not to continue here.  I would like this to remain a space of comfort for those going through loss and infertility, a space where they can feel like someone else knows exactly how they feel…not one where they have to dodge tales of baby-raising to get to the support they were seeking.

Thank you to everyone for checking in.  I still can’t believe this is real.  I can’t believe she’s finally here.  What a journey this has been…

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29 Responses to “She’s here.”

  1. steph50 November 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm #

    Congratulations on your baby girl! Your story is so inspiring to me, makes me so hopeful… Thank you so much for sharing it! xox

  2. Jennifer November 5, 2012 at 12:10 pm #

    Congratulations!

  3. SM November 5, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

    Congrats! I would actually love to hear the birth story! I think it would be a fitting end to a very inspirational story.

  4. Courtney November 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

    I’m so glad you gave it one more try! Seeing this in my reader brought tears to my eyes. I am so thrilled for you!

    I agree that every sad moment brought you to Elsie (wonderful name!!!). I feel the same way about my son – every single day!

    Congratulations! I am just so excited for you!!!!

    • Courtney November 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm #

      I would love to read your birth story, but I understand if you decided not to share it.

  5. Jen November 5, 2012 at 1:07 pm #

    Congratulations!! I’ve been following you for so long…it brought tears to my eyes to read this wonderful news. I think it’s appropriate to share your birth story. What better message of hope could there be?!

  6. Noelle November 5, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

    Congratulations! Welcome, sweet Elsie! I adore her name, and I’d LOVE to read your birth story if you decide to share it.

  7. Katie November 5, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    Birth story! Congratulations!

  8. notundecided November 5, 2012 at 1:52 pm #

    Welcome, Baby Girl!! And CONGRATULATIONS to you and Tim. I vote a loud, obnoxious, hearty YES for posting a birth story. It is a privilege you have earned many times over, and I would personally love to read it. I understand what you mean about still not being able to believe it. I keep looking back at the photos from our birth and we’re nearly five months in already. Even when I’m holding him I sometimes still can’t believe he’s real. So much love to you all – I hope your days have been full of cuddles and snuggles and love (and sleep when you can get it!). Thank you for sharing your wonderful news with us!!

  9. notundecided November 5, 2012 at 1:54 pm #

    Wow, I was so excited to read this that I missed her name the first time through – LOVE Elsie! I have a great-aunt by that name, and she reminds me so much of my late grandmother that she’s become my favorite. So sweeeeeeet!

  10. theyellowblanket November 5, 2012 at 2:54 pm #

    Congratulations! I saw this news on N’s FB page, and was so so so so happy! I hope I get a chance to meet you when I’m out there in a few weeks. Enjoy that little one of yours! I would love to hear the birth story!!!!

  11. Brave IVF Girl November 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

    Congratulations!!

  12. cassiedash November 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm #

    Love her name. Congrats on your precious baby girl!

  13. Amanda E. Perrine (@amandaea129) November 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm #

    Congratulations!

  14. Christina November 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm #

    Congratulations! Welcome to the world, Elsie! I would love to hear your birth story. I think it would bring things full circle.

  15. Justine November 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm #

    Welcome, beautiful girl, and congratulations, mama! I am so, so happy for all of you!!

  16. Trisha November 5, 2012 at 6:46 pm #

    I literally have tears in my eyes. Since struggling with RPL I have made a habit of checking your blog and seeing how far you’ve come. Because of you I know it still can happen. Thank you for that.

    Congratulations on your daughter, I am beyond thrilled for you. If you would like to share it I would love to read her birth story.

  17. Daryl November 5, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

    Welcome, Elsie! And congratulations!!! I would love to hear the story of her arrival.

  18. jjiraffe November 5, 2012 at 10:25 pm #

    Hurrah, Elsie! I am so happy and excited for you and Tim. I’d love to see you continue to write, regardless of where. You are such a talented writer. But regardless, I am just so thrilled that you finally got the ending you’d been waiting for for so long. Xoxo.

  19. Artistmouse November 6, 2012 at 5:14 am #

    Congratulations!

  20. Jesica November 6, 2012 at 7:44 am #

    Congratulations!

  21. Karen November 12, 2012 at 7:40 am #

    Courtney, I am so happy for you. What a wonderful post and tribute to Elsie – if you don’t continue, I hope that you will do something with all of your posts. You could publish them one day and they will bring amazing comfort to others struggling – I love that you said she’s your “one more try.” I kind of needed to hear that today and it inspires me to keep going in my own struggles, even though they are not related to the same kind of loss that you went through. I hope to meet Elsie one day and just can’t express how happy I am for you. xo – Karen

  22. missohkay November 12, 2012 at 5:05 pm #

    I’m so thrilled for you and so glad you had one more try in you! I would love to hear the birth story and, if you decide to continue to blog somewhere, to know where that place is. And again, just SO thrilled for you. <3 <3 <3

  23. sharon watkins November 13, 2012 at 12:06 am #

    Congratulations Courtney! I’ve been following your blog for about a year, it really resonated with me and thank you for that. I am so very glad you stuck it out to reach your current pregnancy. Just curious if there was anything you can identify that you have ‘done differently’ that you can share with others going through this? I cannot imagine 4 losses in 2 years, I had two loses in 4 years with periods of infertility in between, and that was maybe better due to less losses, but not better in terms of spending your life waiting for something. I am now at week 30 in a so far successful pregnancy. What I would like to share is that there were A LOT of things I did differently this time around. First of all, I sought out a naturopathic doctor who had experience / knowledge of infertility and miscarriage. Dr. Christine Winkelman, Insights to Health in Portland oR if anyone is interested. She went through it herself. I went on naturopathic supplements to address all kinds of ‘holistic’ body issues 6 months in advance of this pregnancy. at the same time, I cut out gluten from my diet, sugar mostly, most dairy, and ate a mainly plant based diet with lots of legumes, but frequent fish and chicken. I worked with a nutritionist at the same time, and needed to address my MTHFR gene mutation, so went on naturopathic supplements for that, as well as going on blood thinning medicines as soon as the pregnancy was identified (to continue throughout). This is because blood issues can also impact the ability to stay pregnant. Went on progesterone supplements right away too. Identified something called ‘anti-thyroid antibodies’ so started taking supplements to address thyroid function (cutting out gluten helps that as well). Now I am on thyroid medicines as well. Please anyone going through this read the following book, it was my bible: http://www.amazon.com/Preventing-Miscarriage-The-Good-News/dp/0060920564 I pushed for any and every test the authors recommended, and from those test results I was able to come up with my game plan. I truly wish everyone good luck, its such a difficult experience to go through.

  24. AnnaEsperanza November 16, 2012 at 11:15 am #

    Congrats and hugs!!! <3 So glad you are experiencing this joy after so much heartache.

  25. starfishkittydreams November 20, 2012 at 6:19 pm #

    Congratulations, Courtney! I am over the moon with joy as you welcome your daughter after such a long and trying journey. Best wishes to the whole family!

  26. Emily@ ablanket2keep December 14, 2012 at 9:15 pm #

    I thought I had commented, but I guess I didn’t. Congratulations Courtney and Tim! I am so excited and happy for you! Hope all is well and you are enjoying every minute with her! I would love to keep reading. I hope to hear all about being a mommy soon.

  27. Whitney Anderson June 27, 2013 at 12:01 pm #

    Congratulations! I am so happy for you! :)

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Devastation of Pregnancy Loss: A Profile of Courtney Cheng | Too Many Fish to Fry - January 8, 2013

    [...] UPDATE: I am thrilled to report that in October of 2012. Courtney Cheng gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl. [...]

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